By Phillip Nagler
April Fools’ Day happened to fall out over Pesach this year. Unfortunately, I missed out on all of the hilarious April Fools’-themed jokes some of my friends like to make. This may come as a shock, but I’m not a huge fan of April Fools’. I’m not trying to offend any die-hard April Fools’ fans, but if you like April Fools’ jokes, you are not funny. The day epitomizes corny and unapologetic humor… just thinking about it makes me feel cringy. Now I don’t claim to be a comedian – I don’t even claim to be that funny; However, I know a bad joke when I hear one. I’ve decided to compile a list of tell-tale signs that your jokes aren’t funny. After reading them, you will be a pro at filtering out all of your mediocre comedy – even you, Karen.
- You laugh at your own jokes.
Before you get extremely offended, let me clarify what I’m talking about. I’m not talking about when someone says a funny joke and everyone’s laughter becomes contagious (especially that one friend who snorts when she laughs, but she doesn’t even realize it). I’m talking about when somebody makes a joke and immediately afterwards starts cackling like you’ve never seen before. And then some people are nice enough to contribute pity laughs to these awkward situations. People who laugh at their own jokes don’t deserve pity. Plain and simple.
- Your friends hit you with LOL.
I don’t know about you, but when my friend texts me a really funny meme or joke, I respond with hahahahhaah jhjkjkfhkl. A slew of random characters is a definite sign that genuine laughter occurred. Conversely, I use LOL as a response when a joke isn’t funny and I have nothing clever to respond. I sometimes even use LOL to mean: “Wow that joke was NOT funny, I’m questioning why we ever became friends in the first place.” LOL is probably the third-most commonly used lie on the internet. It tails right behind “I’ve read the terms and conditions” and “asking for a friend” (especially in YU Marketplace). Let’s be real – does anyone actually laugh out loud when they type LOL?
- You enjoy dad jokes.
Does this even need an explanation?
- You think it’s funny to quote classic sitcoms.
People love to make references to popular television shows and then expect that everyone gets them. I’m sorry, but I haven’t watched every episode of The Office six times, so I honestly have no clue what you are talking about (Parks and Rec all the way). These shows are really funny and I’m not trying to make a knock at them. That being said, if I want to hear jokes from Leslie Knope, let me hear them from her – not you.
- You live for the puns.
Like anyone else, I occasionally get a good laugh out of a clever pun. A cute pun never hurt anyone. But we all have that one friend who thinks everyone appreciates the fact that their humor consists entirely of puns.
Personally, puns tend to trigger me. Growing up with the name Phillip made it too easy for everyone to make fun of me. “Hey Phillip, do you like to ‘fill up’ your car at the gas station?” I know – hilarious. Most of the nicknames that I have received due to my name have been successfully repressed at this point. I definitely can’t forget when my nickname in high school became “the pitcher.” You’re probably thinking: “oh, he must’ve played softball in high school or something.” Nope. The origin of the nickname stems from when my friend’s mom told her to “fill up the pitcher.” She apparently thought that this was the funniest thing she ever heard, and from then on I was appointed the nickname of “Phillip the Pitcher.” Welcome to my life.
- *Cricket noises*.
I think it’s safe to say that we have all experienced some form of awkward silence. Amongst our social circles, we all know that one person who is the king or queen of causing awkward silence. Each time you hang out with this person, they amaze you with their incredibly uncomfortable sense of humor. I’m talking about the people who give you a weird look when you don’t laugh at their jokes. Occasionally they’ll say something along the lines of, “Come on dude, that was hilarious!” These are the types of people you say a special prayer for in your Shemoneh Esrei.
There you have it, folks. Don’t forget to share this article with your friends with a caption such as, “Hahahaha Jacob, number 5 is totally you.”
Disclaimer: I am not responsible for the ruining of any friendships caused by this article.