Stern Elevator Stereotypes – 245 Edition

Brookdale and 215 editions at a later date


By Abby Stiefel

Have you ever walked out of the elevator not sure whether to be confused or amused?😕😂 Shaken or mistaken? 🤷Like, is that girl really peeling an onion in here? You are not alone. We have all been there and wondered whether what we just witnessed in the elevator actually happened or was just a figment of our imagination. I find that I always forget to share these magnificent moments with others because I am usually on my way to class, and soon the comedic section of my brain will be overpowered as I try to memorize terms for my Statistics exam.  

We have all been “that girl.”💁 When trapped in a metal cube creeping vertically through a tall building, it isn’t so surprising that those of the human condition tend to act strangely, and uncanny things can occur. 😱 I want to include that I have no agenda with these stereotypes. I have no intention to normalize this behavior nor discourage it; I just want to share in a good laugh. 😊

–Sincerely, the girl shoved in the back corner on her way to the 11th floor. ✋


The Salad Eater 🥗 – Didn’t have time for lunch? Why not eat in the elevator? Totally fine if this tuna smell fills up the entire small space, because, in terms of priorities, lunch comes first.

The Why Even Ask? – She asks if she could “smush” in while she has already maneuvered herself inside the elevator leaving barely enough room for the elevator doors to close.

The Shover 👐 – NOTHING gets in her way when she needs to get to Bio Lab. Her animal instincts kick in as the elevator arrives in the lobby. The second the elevator doors open she pushes her way forward to claim her space, followed by the incoming stampede of those who also need to get to class on time. 🦏🐅🦍🐆🐎🐪

“Come on!!!” Girl 😡 – If you think yelling will cause the elevator to go faster – IT WON’T. Weird phrases are always being said during the wait for the elevator such as: “Could you go any slower?”, “OK, floor 6, now floor 5; come on you can do it!”, etc.

Lazy Hand 👋 – She can be right next to the button, but still needs someone else to press it for her. Additionally, she always expects someone in the elevator is going to the same floor as her, but  those occasional times no one presses the button she needs, she freaks out that she missed her floor. . .

The “Push”over– The girl who presses the button for Lazy Hand. She is the designated floor presser. She exclusively elevator commutes, usually with the same crowd, so she basically knows what floor everyone needs to get to and kindly presses it for them. She might as well get a job as an elevator operator. 👩‍🔧

Just Missed it Girl😦 – SLOW MOTION SCREAM “NOOOOOOOOOO.” She missed her alarm and woke up late in her room on the 20th floor of Brookdale. When she realized what time it was, she jumped out of bed, put on a sweatshirt, grabbed her bag, and ran to class. She arrives at 245 just as the elevator doors slam in her face.

The Subway Starer– Do you ride the subway avoiding eye contact with other people at all costs? Then you probably do this in the Stern elevator as well because you cannot stand the idea of making awkward eye contact with someone. 🙈

“Going down?” Girl 👇 – “No we are going up,” but she still makes sure to hop on in to guarantee her ride down because it would just be the worse if she waited until the elevator came down to learn that it was now full with no more space. 🙃

Presses Button 25 Times Girl – There is a reason half the buttons don’t light up anymore…enjoy the half that still do while they last. 🤦‍

Ms. Draaaammmaaaaaaa 😲 – Yell something to a friend (doesn’t even have to be a friend) as the elevator doors are closing. The doors close. The suspense in the crowded elevator is unreal.

Living on the Edge Girl 👩‍🎤 – The risk taker who puts her life on the line by inserting head, shoulders, knees, and toes between the closing elevator doors so she does not miss her ride. Just when it seems the elevator is about to crush her hand, it thankfully stops and reopens.

Judging😤 – This girl entered the elevator on floor B about to go up, when a fellow student walks into the elevator and presses floor two. Isn’t she perfectly capable of walking the two flights of stairs to the library? When the elevator gets to the second floor a bunch of students walk out of the elevator to let this girl exit, and then they all shuffle back into position so everyone can fit in and resume the elevator ride to class. In this time “Judging Girl” knows that she could have gotten the good seat in class that is now probably taken if they’d skipped this unnecessary stop. . . UGH.🙄

Selfie Girl😘🤳- The best possible opportunity for a sick photobomb, oh wait, awkward that the girl just realized you’re sticking your tongue out to be included in the picture😛, leading her to quickly change positions in order to keep you out of this very important selfie. . .

Shabbos Plans? – A crowded elevator is the best place to invite someone to an intimate weekend get together. . . You might as well post on on Stern in the Know – “Everyone is invited to my house this shabbos!” 😆

The Alone 1.0🕺 – Dance like no one’s watching. This girl opens up her Spotify and plays the song “Celebrate Good Times,” because it is the small excitements that brighten her day. 💃🏻

Alone 2.0 – Daven that the elevator DOES NOT get stuck, plus, you realize you haven’t davened Mincha yet so you may as well fit in some Tefillot. . . 📖

The Happy Loner – Davens that no one else gets on. Can she make it to the bottom without disruption? 🤞

Close Door Button – Trying to do it quickly before anyone else joins and attempts to make it seem like she accidentally pressed “door close” instead of “door open.” 😶😶😶

Perfume Girl🌹 – You can basically see a cloud of scent surrounding her as she walks into the elevator as you sneeze and think to yourself, is this the elevator or Abercrombie?

How was Shabbos? – A simple “good” for a response will do the trick, instead of a play-by-play of where you sat at every meal. 🙂

The Professor 🤓– Worst part of the day for him/her. It always seems that there is enough space when they enter on floor B from the caf, but then on floor 1 more students file in until the elevator feels exactly like an overcrowded subway car. There is a reason you stopped taking the subway to school in the mornings. . . 🤦

Attention Seeker – “Do you like my new shoes and have you seen my new knapsack?🎒👡” she says to her friend, aware that the rest of the students in the elevator heard and are now eyeing her new purchases. 👀

The Not Enough Space! – Maybe you shouldn’t bring a duffel bag that can fit 3 Stern girls inside it. . .👜

Pre-Test Girl😰 – Gripping her notes with an iron fist and mumbling the names of 17th century paintings under her breath. Don’t forget the deep sigh as she exits to let everyone know what is coming.

Device Girl🤳– She is looking at her phone, so obviously she cannot hear when you ask her to hold the elevator. 🙄

Sign Up Girl😁👍– Why not use this opportunity to convince attendance to Tin Foil Origami (If this isn’t a club yet, it should be)

Siri Girl “Siri, text Mom to pick me up in the Heights after cake wars.” You think to yourself, “hmm, is this a good opportunity to ask if I can hitch a ride home with her. . ?” 🤔

One Comment Add yours

  1. Jori says:

    This is soooo accurate!! Love this!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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