Confessions of an In-Towner

By Sarah Gold

This article is a joke, but alas, my struggles are not. Check ya privilege.

These are real IT (in-towner) struggles. These are our stories.

  1. Coordinating a time for my mom to pick up my laundry and then coordinating when she can drop it off at my dorm.
    • When you decide to be less bratty and take your laundry home with you for Shab, you open yourself up to whole new array of #intownerprobs. There’s the struggle of not wanting to lug your normal sized wheely suitcase home, but you gotta do your laundry. Like, I’d rather take my small carry-on wheely (perfect for the crowded LIRR/NJ transit buses and trains) that will comfortably fit my Shab shoes and some study materials but I’m out of clean tights sooooo…😬🙃
    • Don’t even talk to me about bringing home sheets to wash. Low-key what my nightmares are made of.
    • But hey! I do my laundry on campus too – I even have a laundry card that I store in my Vera Bradley wallet ID pouch thing. So, in spirit of being an honorary OOT (that’s out-of-towner for all you plebes), let’s just have a quick convo about Tide Pods. They are glorious, they smell divine, and are super convenient. HOWEVER. When I proudly showed my OOT roomies my Tide Pods in the beginning of the year (sometimes I stay in for 3 weeks at a time and gotta do laundry in Brookdale-🤢), I was beaming, grinning from ear to ear. They exchange glances and burst out laughing (Like rude, but ok.🙄) “Um, Sar, babe, real OOTs buy the liquid detergent. You’re a literal peasant.” [This convo actually happened, okay? But I may be paraphrasing- I use humor as a shield.]
  2. This is a very real struggle. Let me paint you a picture. You own 3 pairs of black boots; tall black boots, short, sleek black booties, and black Uggs. Like, which are you supposed to take home for Shab?! You are only going home with what’s on your feet because what respectable IT (in towner) takes ANOTHER pair of black boots with them home?! You. 👏🏻 Aint.👏🏻 No.👏🏻 Brat.👏🏻 So, come Wednesday night (obviously you must pack your suitcase then if you are going to make the 3:30 PM bus back on Thursday afternoon) or even Friday morning if you’re being extra lazy (or just “like staying in Thursday nights” 😉) you MUST decide.
  3. All ma boys in the hiz-house- WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WITH YOUR SUIT??  Like you gotta take it with you, like, everywhere you go. My heart goes out to y’all, our brave bachurim. Real heroes don’t always wear capes.  
  4. When your suitcase takes up the seat next to you and everyone around you is standing on the crowded train and giving you some serious side eye. Like, move along everyone. I didn’t kill a man (yet). If you wanted a seat, you should’ve boarded 10 minutes early. Enjoy the aisle, plebe.
  5. When you gotta buy two pairs of everything to be stored in your dorm room and at your casa, including but not limited to:
    • Contacts case/contact solution/box of contacts (God help you if you have two different prescriptions in each eye,🙌🙏 )
    • Shower swag ayyyy: pomegranate mango scented body wash (obv a staple), shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner, shaver, extra shaver inserts, hair brush, some boug lotion
    • Basic hygiene things: toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, hair oil (don’t ask; you know my name, not my story.)  
    • (I did some researsch in case some boys stumbled upon this article) shaver for face, aftershave…. ???
      • PSA: It is only not bratty to have two pairs of the above items. If you have two pairs of these items below, then get ready to be made fun of by your OOT roomies (also please reassess your priorities):
    • Face wash
    • Extra pair of glasses- if you getchya self another pair of Warby Parker glasses “for home,” I will lose respect for you as a human, I’m sorry.
  6. Those rare times when you’re diseased or injured and have whatever you need at home (ex: Neosporin, Band-Aids, wrap around cast, Pepto-Bismol, DayQuil, or it’s more rockin’ counterpart, NyQuil). Like, I’m not going to buy some especially for my dorm room because I ain’t no brat (@duanereade’s RIDIC prices), so I guess I’ll just suffer? I’ll just rub some dirt in it.
  7. Ugh- and when your mini-fridge can’t hold all your mom’s delish Shabbos leftovers. Am I just supposed to store my quinoa in the cabinet?!

You know my name, and now you know my story.*
*This was all meant to be satire, but like, was it? Unclear🤷‍♀️.

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