Going Back

by Ilana Kisilinsky

Well it’s that time of year again: back to school. Shudder. The bathing suits and sunscreen are put away and out come the notebooks, pencils, pens, and whatever else Target has in its “back to school” section. The wind changes and I can always tell fall is just around the corner because all of the sudden the entire country becomes pumpkin spice crazy.  Yes, all of the memories come floating back to me: the first day of school, new teachers, new classrooms, a new year🙌.  

Excitement and nerves always hit me before the first day of school.🤓 I was always so eager to see what new things my friends had bought, what teachers I would have, and where my desk would be.

 This has changed slightly over the years, the excitement has definitely gone down and dull dread has slowly begun to replace it.😞😞😞 The dread of exams, presentations, and group projects (because for some reason I’m always the one in charge of doing all of the work).  I remember how peaceful it was when all of my assignments could be done in class and if I didn’t finish, well, there was always tomorrow.  But now all I can think of are those late nights writing papers fueled by coffee☕ and adrenaline💪.

I’ve begun to reminisce about those sweet, peaceful elementary school days.  I would step into my one classroom and set up my desk just so, never having to worry about getting lost or being late because all of the teachers came to me.  Now, my body clenches every time I think of that first day frenzy :running to find each classroom, which are obviously all in different buildings on very high floors, trying to make myself as small as possible so I can jam into the sardine cans we call elevators, and keeping track of how many assignments I have worth 75% of my grade — I think I’m up to seven now– while still trying to be social and upbeat and making sure I’m taking advantage of my youth, which society never forgets to remind me won’t last for much longer.

All of this is enough to raise one’s heart rate to a dangerous level. But as soon as I start to really freak out, I suddenly remember I’m in college now. College means freedom.  College means no teachers breathing down my neck, no book reports or art projects, and no more crazy rules about having to go to class.  If I want to skip my beyond boring Intro to Sociology lecture that I wouldn’t be paying attention to anyway, just try and stop me.  No one is here to tell me what to do anymore, except maybe my mom, but I’m miles away from her anyway, so she can’t do anything. I make the rules now.  As I start to think of all this my breathing gets easier and I realize going back to school isn’t so bad after all.  😌 Sure it can be stressful, and it can be a hell of a lot of work but really at the end of the day I thank G-d I’m not in elementary school anymore. I’m in college now, the big leagues, so I’ll try my best not to stress and just go out and live it up.    💃🕺🎉     

Ilana Kisilinsky

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